New invention idea: vibrating tampons
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
