come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
