I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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