just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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