i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
