I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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