My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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