mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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