Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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