I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
