i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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