i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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