if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
