You really coming over, don't trick.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
