Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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