and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
