I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
