My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
they're like a gay fantastic four
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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