i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Couch. On fire.
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