You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
