My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
