Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
