First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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