I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
