Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
