You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
