Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
