somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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