so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
