Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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