His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize