atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
