oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
