Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
