I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize