I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
