how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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