I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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