I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
