I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
