There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
