Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It's Friday. Sex?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Text me some of your sweat
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
