is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
