you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
