and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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