I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Enjoy the penises
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize