I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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