he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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