You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
