You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
