Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
