I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Betty ford says i'm here all night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
