My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize