tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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