I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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