took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize