so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
