If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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