In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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