At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
