Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
