i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
