WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
