If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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