Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
