Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
