I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
