So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
