it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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