So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize