I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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