its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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