Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
