Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
