Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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