If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize