I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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