I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
