Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
