i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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