Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
do nipples grow back?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
