ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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