we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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